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razielimOh, good. I've hit the limits of my natural enthusiasm on this project and now hate everything I've done so far and blah blah blah, typical depressive wallowing about my complete and utter incompetence and feeling antisocial and blah blah. I was already kind of spiraling down, but I linked that post to a friend, reread it with her eyes, and immediately just hated myself.
I've been studying myself a lot lately and I'm trying to figure out if these moods are inevitable or if they're more caused by not meeting my physical needs very well while binging on being an excitable project starter. So after being slammed with irritability and insecurity yesterday, I went to bed at 7pm and slept until 7am, and now I'm kind of seeing what happens if I eat meals that I normally forget and continue to sleep in excess. Will I bounce back to a hyperfocused state for another few weeks? Or actually manage to coast into a "moderation" state? I don't know. I'm just interested in the process of figuring out my own natural rhythms after finally figuring out that I have natural rhythms and can't be consistent no matter how much I beat myself up to fit in with a production society's demands.
Might read some Pratchett to just... step back. Might do all the boring stuff for this project like going back, editing, ironing out some details; all that good stuff I'm not really capable of when I'm super YAY NEW PROJECT. I don't know. We'll see. Important thing is to eat, sleep, recover.
I'm also forming the opinion that....... maybe I should never post WIPs, even for writing. They really do seem to undermine me at times by making me subconsciously perceive a stopping point, or by making me double back too soon to see what I've done and become dismayed. Hiding that post until I've finished the chapter and properly proofread.
I've been studying myself a lot lately and I'm trying to figure out if these moods are inevitable or if they're more caused by not meeting my physical needs very well while binging on being an excitable project starter. So after being slammed with irritability and insecurity yesterday, I went to bed at 7pm and slept until 7am, and now I'm kind of seeing what happens if I eat meals that I normally forget and continue to sleep in excess. Will I bounce back to a hyperfocused state for another few weeks? Or actually manage to coast into a "moderation" state? I don't know. I'm just interested in the process of figuring out my own natural rhythms after finally figuring out that I have natural rhythms and can't be consistent no matter how much I beat myself up to fit in with a production society's demands.
Might read some Pratchett to just... step back. Might do all the boring stuff for this project like going back, editing, ironing out some details; all that good stuff I'm not really capable of when I'm super YAY NEW PROJECT. I don't know. We'll see. Important thing is to eat, sleep, recover.
I'm also forming the opinion that....... maybe I should never post WIPs, even for writing. They really do seem to undermine me at times by making me subconsciously perceive a stopping point, or by making me double back too soon to see what I've done and become dismayed. Hiding that post until I've finished the chapter and properly proofread.
