![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
razielimSFC #8: "In your own space, celebrate a personal win from the past year: it can be a list of fanworks you're especially proud of, a gift of your time to the community, a quality or skill you cultivated in yourself, something you generally feel went well."
Aside from actually hitting my goal for 300 paintings in one year (three hundred!!), and all the discipline, speed increases, and skill improvements that were part and parcel of making that a reality, I also made good gains with writing!
My ability to recall words continued to improve since the concussion, and I made efforts to be more patient with myself and less perfectionist about getting the right word. But I also finally began making strides to plan my work so that I could deliver a satisfying resolution to longer fics. I'd always ended short fic on a bit of a punchline before, leaving my readers amused or outraged (but still happy). But when it came to longer fic, I just straight up floundered trying to hit the right tone and pace, and I could feel it in the comments - people were disappointed. They'd enjoyed a long buildup and a fun climax, but everything after felt rushed and like none of the stakes had meant anything. :\ Most of all, I was disappointed in me.
So in 2021, I swallowed my pride, insecurities, and discomfort, stopped hiding behind, "Well, I'm ADHD so pantsing is the only option available to me," and learned to plan.
I finished one great big fic with a lot of satisfaction and wrote a NaNo project that isn't complete as of right now, but has a lot more directionality to it than it would have otherwise. In fact, I suspect it might have too much directionality, that every scene serves too much of a purpose, and that I didn't give myself enough room to explore. But I always believe that you won't ever learn to balance properly if you don't fall in the opposite extreme at least a couple times, so I'm not worried. Calibrating requires it!
My planning looks like computer pseudocode because that's what I know how to plan, tinker with, and debug. :D
Community-wise, I made my most sustained effort yet to acknowledge good art verbally rather than relying on mute feedback such as likes and silent reblogs. I've gotten comfortable with mentioning everything I like about a painting until I'm all out of things to say. As a painter myself, I've got the unique opportunity to point out improvements or applied skills a layman might not notice, and let the artist know their dedication to their craft is impressive and valuable.
Lo, I was almost immediately rewarded for the effort by making a dear new friend, who, infuriatingly (affectionate), is just as thorough at putting things they like about my work into their reblog tags. *surprised pikachu face*
Screeching compliments back about forth about composition and paint application with a peer has been one of the most rewarding things that has ever happened to me.
I made a lot of effort in 2021 to make changes that I thought were absolutely vital to my happiness, especially since I derive a lot of happiness from competence at what I spend my days doing. Part of the reason I quit my programming job to do full-time illustration is because I had felt so powerless in that position to improve and innovate. The concussion delayed that, made me improve and innovate some unexpected skills instead, but over the past year, I really felt like I was able to make up for lost time.
I'm absolutely terrified of living up to the successes of 2021 in 2022, honestly. Complete dread and angst. There, I said it. Had to type out this whole euphoric post just to put my finger on the pulse of what's wrong.
Now that I know what's wrong, gonna go fix it. o7
Aside from actually hitting my goal for 300 paintings in one year (three hundred!!), and all the discipline, speed increases, and skill improvements that were part and parcel of making that a reality, I also made good gains with writing!
My ability to recall words continued to improve since the concussion, and I made efforts to be more patient with myself and less perfectionist about getting the right word. But I also finally began making strides to plan my work so that I could deliver a satisfying resolution to longer fics. I'd always ended short fic on a bit of a punchline before, leaving my readers amused or outraged (but still happy). But when it came to longer fic, I just straight up floundered trying to hit the right tone and pace, and I could feel it in the comments - people were disappointed. They'd enjoyed a long buildup and a fun climax, but everything after felt rushed and like none of the stakes had meant anything. :\ Most of all, I was disappointed in me.
So in 2021, I swallowed my pride, insecurities, and discomfort, stopped hiding behind, "Well, I'm ADHD so pantsing is the only option available to me," and learned to plan.
I finished one great big fic with a lot of satisfaction and wrote a NaNo project that isn't complete as of right now, but has a lot more directionality to it than it would have otherwise. In fact, I suspect it might have too much directionality, that every scene serves too much of a purpose, and that I didn't give myself enough room to explore. But I always believe that you won't ever learn to balance properly if you don't fall in the opposite extreme at least a couple times, so I'm not worried. Calibrating requires it!
My planning looks like computer pseudocode because that's what I know how to plan, tinker with, and debug. :D
Community-wise, I made my most sustained effort yet to acknowledge good art verbally rather than relying on mute feedback such as likes and silent reblogs. I've gotten comfortable with mentioning everything I like about a painting until I'm all out of things to say. As a painter myself, I've got the unique opportunity to point out improvements or applied skills a layman might not notice, and let the artist know their dedication to their craft is impressive and valuable.
Lo, I was almost immediately rewarded for the effort by making a dear new friend, who, infuriatingly (affectionate), is just as thorough at putting things they like about my work into their reblog tags. *surprised pikachu face*
Screeching compliments back about forth about composition and paint application with a peer has been one of the most rewarding things that has ever happened to me.
I made a lot of effort in 2021 to make changes that I thought were absolutely vital to my happiness, especially since I derive a lot of happiness from competence at what I spend my days doing. Part of the reason I quit my programming job to do full-time illustration is because I had felt so powerless in that position to improve and innovate. The concussion delayed that, made me improve and innovate some unexpected skills instead, but over the past year, I really felt like I was able to make up for lost time.
I'm absolutely terrified of living up to the successes of 2021 in 2022, honestly. Complete dread and angst. There, I said it. Had to type out this whole euphoric post just to put my finger on the pulse of what's wrong.
Now that I know what's wrong, gonna go fix it. o7
no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 14:36 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 02:52 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 16:16 (UTC)I checked out your paintings and they are magnificent! (I'm a non-artist, so I wouldn't know how else to describe it. *g*)
I hope 2022 exceeds your expectations.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 02:54 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 16:28 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 02:58 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 16:55 (UTC)Oh, I love that!
Good luck in 2022!
no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 02:59 (UTC)I've always said that coding feels a lot like ficcing, I just never imagined I could apply that logic backwards. :D
no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 17:07 (UTC)Congrats for all these achievements :D
And now I'm so so curious what your plans look like XD
no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 03:10 (UTC)problem A: he's always been lonely
{
other stuff happens
problem B: he has to steal crown jewels
{
other stuff happens
other stuff happens
solution: he finds experts to help him
}
other stuff happens
solution: he's bonded with the experts yay!
}
As a small example, but longer, probably with a problem and/or solution per chapter, so long as the biggest problem doesn't close until the plot's approaching the very end (even if there's obvious progress on it throughout). I'm not ENTIRELY happy with this model because I feel like it's a little stiff, but I think until keeping the plot on the rails and not devolving into navel gazing becomes more natural to me, I'm going to keep these imperfect training wheels on. :)
no subject
Date: 2022-01-20 14:56 (UTC)Nesting the plot is such a big brain way of plotting, woah. I never thought of it this way but it makes a lot of sense!
Omg yeah I want to implement this in my own planning process right now XD Especially since not devolving into navel gazing is also something I'm working on.
Thank you so much for sharing!!!
no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 17:13 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 03:17 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 21:00 (UTC)It also sounds like some of the big successes in 2021 weren't in what you did (although kudos on that too) but in how you did it - you made changes in approach rather than in outcome, and that's arguably more about sustaining than reachieving, right?
no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 03:21 (UTC)I always up the ante without meaning to after every achievement, but you're absolutely right that even being able to raise my sights higher is a big deal, regardless of where I land.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 23:39 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 03:22 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-16 06:44 (UTC)Congrats on all that you've accomplished and best of luck for 2022! It is hard not to compare, but even if the successes look different in quantity, they will still be important and does not diminish what you've already done. :D
no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 03:22 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-16 19:01 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 03:25 (UTC)"and also something completely unexpected!"
This is a wonderful sentiment. I hope you also have marvelous and pleasant surprises waiting for you in 2022.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-18 12:46 (UTC)