![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
razielimOh, good. I've hit the limits of my natural enthusiasm on this project and now hate everything I've done so far and blah blah blah, typical depressive wallowing about my complete and utter incompetence and feeling antisocial and blah blah. I was already kind of spiraling down, but I linked that post to a friend, reread it with her eyes, and immediately just hated myself.
I've been studying myself a lot lately and I'm trying to figure out if these moods are inevitable or if they're more caused by not meeting my physical needs very well while binging on being an excitable project starter. So after being slammed with irritability and insecurity yesterday, I went to bed at 7pm and slept until 7am, and now I'm kind of seeing what happens if I eat meals that I normally forget and continue to sleep in excess. Will I bounce back to a hyperfocused state for another few weeks? Or actually manage to coast into a "moderation" state? I don't know. I'm just interested in the process of figuring out my own natural rhythms after finally figuring out that I have natural rhythms and can't be consistent no matter how much I beat myself up to fit in with a production society's demands.
Might read some Pratchett to just... step back. Might do all the boring stuff for this project like going back, editing, ironing out some details; all that good stuff I'm not really capable of when I'm super YAY NEW PROJECT. I don't know. We'll see. Important thing is to eat, sleep, recover.
I'm also forming the opinion that....... maybe I should never post WIPs, even for writing. They really do seem to undermine me at times by making me subconsciously perceive a stopping point, or by making me double back too soon to see what I've done and become dismayed. Hiding that post until I've finished the chapter and properly proofread.
I've been studying myself a lot lately and I'm trying to figure out if these moods are inevitable or if they're more caused by not meeting my physical needs very well while binging on being an excitable project starter. So after being slammed with irritability and insecurity yesterday, I went to bed at 7pm and slept until 7am, and now I'm kind of seeing what happens if I eat meals that I normally forget and continue to sleep in excess. Will I bounce back to a hyperfocused state for another few weeks? Or actually manage to coast into a "moderation" state? I don't know. I'm just interested in the process of figuring out my own natural rhythms after finally figuring out that I have natural rhythms and can't be consistent no matter how much I beat myself up to fit in with a production society's demands.
Might read some Pratchett to just... step back. Might do all the boring stuff for this project like going back, editing, ironing out some details; all that good stuff I'm not really capable of when I'm super YAY NEW PROJECT. I don't know. We'll see. Important thing is to eat, sleep, recover.
I'm also forming the opinion that....... maybe I should never post WIPs, even for writing. They really do seem to undermine me at times by making me subconsciously perceive a stopping point, or by making me double back too soon to see what I've done and become dismayed. Hiding that post until I've finished the chapter and properly proofread.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 15:47 (UTC)I definitely couldn't do that. I often feel like I don't even know who I'm going to be tomorrow, let alone a month from now. I change Entire Life Goals like 16 times a year. In January, the plan was to master programming and avoid writing/painting all year. In Feb/March I decided I needed to drop everything and be a social butterfly to be happy. Then just before April I decided I was going to dedicated my life to this LoK novelization, and then this past Friday, I got spooked about needing to spend more free time on studying for my job.
I don't know if it's the ADHD or a personality trait, but GOTTA GO FAST. ELSE I LOSE INTEREST.
The only time I manage to set things aside and work on them later is for Smutmas, but that's more because I need to give my betas time to work. I end up REALLY miserable and burned out by the end of the fest because it requires so much willpower to STILL care and edit and it's no longer a labor of love.
That's so cool that you can do things that way! *A*